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Christine gives me a hard time for not posting enough. So here is a quickie before I get ready for work. These were the blogs written in my head this week:
Feeling peaceful.
Being angry.
Losing confidence.
Frustrated with "art."
Love my job. Hate my job.
Loving Matthew: Christine- turn your head. I stop at home between meetings and Matthew asks if we are alone. I say- only for a minute. He asks-do we have enough time? I say- not enough to do it properly; to which he responds: I'm ready to do it improperly. I love this guy.

I'm trying to do something nice for his parents' 5oth next weekend- even though they are unaware (I think). Grace is cleaning out her room and donating clothes. Heavy sigh. I'm trying to keep my job, but my paranoia is rearing its ugly head. My eldest is 25 today. Rosie had a job interview. Emily is far away. Life keeps moving, but I'm frozen.

Ok. Ok.

I've been reading blogs every day while on vacation and not posting anything. Well, not posting anything physically. What you need to know is that I do all of my projects and blogs and chores in my head. There, they are complete. I may seem like a slacker for not finishing things, but they are complete- in my mind. I write a blog everyday. I finish a painting or a calligraphy piece- every day. I am actually quite busy in my little brain. Putting it down in physical words or on canvas seems redundant. I have already written this. So it seems insincere and not spontaneous when I type it. I like to write things once. It flows out of me and onto the paper or into Word, and there it is perfect. Leave it alone. If you edit it, I am offended. There is a reason it is written that way. Rarely has someone made significant changes that I agree with. I know this sounds rather obnoxious and "prima dona" but the words and their arrangement is mine.


Vacation has been interesting this year. We are 16 people in two condos- next door to each other, yet it seems like we are on separate vacations. Normally we rent a house in New England and we are all together- though we were on different floors a few years ago. Still, it felt more unified. The family is growing and new members have joined us. There are babies to accommodate, young adults who get bored. They are too young to go to bars, and too poor to do anything but hang with the family. When they wander away, I have this image of Natalie Holloway, and the press judging me, "How could you let them go off on their own? You are a terrible mother and this is your fault."




We know next year we will go back to New England, but there are pluses and minuses to everything. There is spectacular golf for the men-folk. The ocean and beaches are so much nicer here. But it is damn expensive. Holy Christmas! Groceries, dinners, clothes, tours, etc.

We did go into Savannah for the day. Gorgeous. Hot, humid, but gorgeous. The architecture, the history. I can see Matthew and me going there for one of our little anniversary excursions. But not for a few years. We have some major expenses projects coming up.
Onward and upward.