What now?

We've moved Emily to LA, Christine is putting her name on a mortgage, Rose will be going to Neumann every single day, and Grace will be starting her senior year. Too much, too fast. We are really in the thick of things right now. Matthew is studying for tests, and I'm finishing my summer classes. Meanwhile, we are getting the house reappraised, so let's throw some elbow grease into the mix!

I wanted to put a piece in the staff/faculty show to promote my calligraphy class I'll be teaching this fall. And I'll be doing a weekend workshop for party-planning. Extra $ is always welcome. I like the idea of teaching. I think the people I grew up with assumed I would teach (or just find some way to continue being bossy!).

I really don't have anything profound or clever to say today. I just wanted to say hi to everyone. I've lost my creative zip, but it will come back soon. I'm looking forward to having a spotless house for a little while. I'm looking forward to having these school assignments done. I'm looking forward to starting fresh with Matthew so we can map out our future. So much to do. I wouldn't trade any of it.

Change is coming....

I was looking forward to Lent. No really. It usually flies by and then Easter comes and I feel like I didn't do my part. So yesterday I really prayed- for my beautiful and feisty daughters, for my amazing husband. I made my promise not to eat out every day (save money and calories), to get up at 6 when Matthew leaves on a "regular" day, and to get to work early. I got up at 7:30, upset my stomach, and got to work at 9:30. But I made it to church, and that was a win.

This morning I got up at 6:30 and got to work by 9:00. OK. Better. I will improve.

Matthew gave up coffee. I told him that in the interest of public safety, a nuclear engineer should be FULLY AWAKE on the job! He disagreed while he nodded off after dinner. He'll do it. He's so much stronger and more disciplined than I am. Thank goodness.

I am trying to balance homework and preparing a room for my good friend who will be joining us soon. We've had a couple of people stay with us before- Grace's friends. The first one, the girls called the "Temp" as in "temporary brother. Then we had Gabi, and the girls called her the "Perm." But she wasn't. When I told Christine that Roberta was coming to live with us, and it would be nice not to have someone sneaking out in the middle of the night or drinking all our alcohol, she said, "You don't know that for sure." hahaha. You hear that, Roberta? I have been forewarned. But at least when you come sneaking in through the patio doors, I won't be standing there with the evil eye; I will be there to give you a great big hug!

Uh oh.

It's happening. My husband asks me what something says. Neither of us needs glasses, but we have to adjust to very small type. He was fixing a door in the kitchen, and needed the tape measure. I was making a very late breakfast (spicy pear muffins, scrambled eggs with ham and cream cheese, French press coffee. Mmmmm.)Heading to the fridge, Matthew asks me what is says on the side of the tape measure (3 1/2"). I thought to myself, "wow. He's squinting, poor thing. Maybe he should get get glasses. We really are getting older." I turned back to the fridge....and stared. For a long time.

So we are both getting older. We go to bed early so we can make it through the day. But truly, we are blessed. My favorite spot in the whole world is about 8:00 in the morning, Saturday, when the sun is streaming into my bedroom. Matthew is making me coffee before his morning phone call to work, I can hear the dogs tumbling down the stairs and the girls fighting over....anything. I can grab a book and read until my husband finds me again (the phone call has turned into internet boat shopping).

This is my moment of bliss. Before the guilt starts- messy house, have to do homework, yes, sweetheart, I know you're hungry. I read about creative women who jumped, fearlessly, into living creative lives. I drift, thinking about projects I'd like to do. But I know I like my steady paycheck. I liked being an artist, but I never felt legitimate. And, as much as I like being by myself, I like being around other people. I like being creative around others, but, truth be told, I find we brainstorm more than anything else. More dreaming, less action. I feel guilty about creating before finishing my work (no dessert before you finish your vegetables!).

So, I have been making deals with myself. I will study. I will do some laundry. I will work on my paper, and then I will allow myself something fun to read. I am more calm. I have something to look forward to. And I still don't need glasses.

It's over? Already?

Each year I try to savor Christmas. I read the decorating magazines, watch the required movies (Elf, Scrooged, Rudolph). I listen to the homilies and the priests saying Christmas begins on the 25th, not before. But I disagree.

Preparing for Christmas is like preparing for a new baby. You decorate the room, you have presents and showers, you choose a name and you look forward to the day when your life will change. How is that different from Christmas? I know the priests do not want us getting caught up in the materialistic celebration, but buying or making presents for others brings us joy. I think God wants us to feel the joy He had when he brought His only Son into the world. We can't truly know, but as parents, we do understand the joy, the fear, the frustration, the excitement of waiting for the new baby. Let us have that, and stop trying to take the pre-celebration away from us.

Despite knowing this, it comes and goes like a flash and I miss it. In Ohio, we had a pastor who loved tradition and pomp and circumstance. He would invite everyone to bring bells to ring for Midnight Mass. I would be so busy, that I would forget, and my little girls would be disappointed, and my mother's guilt would crescendo. One very bad year, I had forgotten again. Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to see an unfamiliar elderly man. He handed me his bells and said "They can ring mine." The girls took turns ringing the bells and the joy in their faces was overwhelming. That was one of the few moments I have had where Christmas made me feel peaceful and content and I knew we would get through that terrible time.

I have grand delusions every year. Things to make, people to impress (why do I care?), gifts to purchase, our annual party to prepare for. By the time the party happens, Christmas is anticlimactic. Isn't that sad? I spent so much time preparing for the party, I didn't have time to decorate (the girls handled all of that), I didn't have time to shop (Matthew and the girls handled that), and I put my body through incredible pain, standing for such along time- baking and cleaning.

I think next year we will have our party on Christmas Eve. I imagine fewer people will come, but at least the highlight will coincide with Christmas. The girls get the party they want, the house is clean for Christmas, and I only have to cook once instead of twice. I like this plan. It will give me more time to savor the moment with Matthew and the girls. Less is more? We'll see.

Time to relax and enjoy

Yesterday, we had our annual holiday open house. Too much food, not enough chairs, but plenty of laughter, friends and family. 

      I took Friday off from work so I could stay home and bake. I made our family favorites: meatballs, kielbasa, crab-stuffed mushrooms, tomato tart, veggie wraps, pesto cheesecake, spinach and cream cheese loaf. 

     Then, the desserts....mochaccino spirals, egg nog cookies, cream cheese spritzes, white and dark chocolate bark with pecans, peppermint bark, homemade hot chocolate. The girls requested Vienna Torte- chocolate cake with creme de menthe frosting. But the highlight was the Yule Log- gingerbread cake with crystallized ginger, orange pastry cream filling and nutella frosting. Oh my. Naturally, I made two of everything, and now we have a torte and a yule log left for just us. Yum.

     The girls decorated the house. Emily was working, so Christine's boyfriend Leaf filled in. He got to hear the history of every ornament- 23 years worth of stories and memories. Sweet.

     I have yet to go shopping. Matthew ventured out into the ice storm, so I could stay home and make Cheese Braid, another perennial favorite. Actually, I could have a party and serve nothing but cheese braid, and everyone would be happy. A sour cream, nutmeg and orange dough with fabulous filling. Teachers fight over it, co-workers steal it, Matthew's father lives for it.... it cannot be helped. I scored a Kitchen-aid over it. 22 years ago (in Washington, base housing), I stumbled across this recipe in Good Housekeeping and made it. But it burned up my handheld mixer and another one. So Matthew said if I promised to make it every year, I could have a Kitchen-aid. What could I say? We drove to the Exchange at the Air Force base south of Tacoma, and bought a red Kitchen-aid for $229. So expensive, but we thought we had gotten a good deal. 22 years later, and they are still right around the same price. Amazing. But I still have it and I still make Cheese Braid for Christmas and sometimes Easter. And everyone still "oohs and aahs." 

     Merry Christmas to all of you. I think 2009 is going to be an incredible year.

How do they know?

When the girls were little and the phone would ring, that's when they would decide to go nuts. If I am working on a project, that's when Matthew wants to hang out. Now, when I am in the groove of writing a paper, my daughters want to fill me in on all the things we haven't talked about over the last few days. It's amazing how hungry we are for each other's company and attention. It's wonderful to actually have a family that WANTS to hang out....it's just the timing. But then there is no free time. Every second is filled, and if it isn't- then we nap. 

My research paper is due Friday, and today, TODAY, I finally understood what the professor's notes meant. And today, TODAY, someone from the city asked if I had received the data I had requested. I love this topic: economic development and increasing housing occupancy rates. But I don't know what I can do to pursue this. My Master's is Management. Other schools have Master's in Urban Planning or other relevant studies. I guess I will continue the path of self-education on this. I've been reading about this since 93. There is so much good information and examples of failed projects in cities. But with the current economy, all stats are thrown out the window.

I've been enjoying my Current Leadership class. The readings are great and the class really gets into the discussions- finally! But it ends the 18th; only a 5 week class. I wonder of these shortened classes are actually helping us (graduating faster) or hurting us (not really absorbing the information). I'm sure someone's Master's thesis will be on this topic.

So now that the family has gone to bed, I sit here writing instead of reorganizing my paper. I'll get it done. I'll do the requisite PowerPoint. I'll take some pictures downtown tomorrow before class. And I will accept that it will not be an A paper. I can't be perfect all the time. There are more important things to do- like chat with my girls.

Sunday sunday sunday

...at the US 30 Dragstrip; where the great ones (echo echo echo) riiiiiiiiiiiide!

We could hear that from our house on Ash Street in Hobart. We went once and it was so loud. Not my thing. Neither is NASCAR. But driving fast down Old Hobart Road was fun. What a rush. 

Today is a typical Sunday. But the sun was shining and I am much more productive when the sun shines. Got the kitchen and living room straightened up. Made poached eggs on toast after church (Grace cantored today. She has such a lovely voice). Did some calligraphy, wish I had the time and money to play with my art toys, but not today. Checked for my Global Business grades a million times. Still not posted. Tried to schedule my Master's classes for next summer, but tow of the required courses are not offered. Hmmm. 

Made a pot of black bean soup with chorizo. Spicy and yummy. That's a blog word- yummy. I never use that in real life.

I have been having a lot of fun on Facebook, catching up with friends (ish) people from high school. It really is an instant community. I think if our class had been on Facebook and communicating, we would have had a turn out for the reunion. I have found children and nieces and nephews of people I used to know. I feel old and content at the same time.

Rosie and Grace may audition for plays in the Spring. It is so much fun to see them on stage. 

Tomorrow is Preview Day at school. Potential DCAD students and their parents will get the grand tour of our two buildings. I hope it goes well. I have been to many with my girls and I hope I've been able to give my fellow workers the consumer's point of view. Lack of preparation and customer service is very bad these days. We are competing with everyone- even if we offer something different it comes down to the connection we make with each of them.

Christine got a fabulous new job. I am so proud. She didn't let the lack of a degree slow her down, and she's still on track with her Bach/Master's program so that we will graduate at the same time. What a party we will have Jan. '10. You'll hear the whooping all the way to Indiana.