Building a home

Outside our bathroom window upstairs is a happy spot. The kitchen and family room roof lines form an L which is perfect for the annual starling nest. In the morning, the birds gather the necessary building materials, taking turns adding pieces, removing pieces. I can hear a little bit of squawking, and I wonder if they argue the way we do. Adding on or building a house can be sooo stressful. Imagine doing it every year. Building a home is even more stressful.

The home, the nest, the coccoon. That place you should feel safe and help each other to grow. As much as I adore my husband, we look at building and maintaining a home quite differently. While he is truly the protector, more spiritual or faith-filled than I am, I still feel like the protector of the children's creative souls. I want them to explore their talents, be overwhelmed by the possibilities, fail, fall in and out of love, learn, and not be so eager to grow up. I mean, what adult wouldn't want to go back to the days of learning, playing, partying, exploring, with few responsibilities?

I consider myself a communist mama- From each according to her abilities; To each according to her needs (we are female-centric at our house; or at least, I am). The girls are so similar, but they are very different. Recognizing that some take longer to leave the nest, some need more building materials, some just needed a quick shove, and some just need to sing and sing- I want the freedom to be able to honor all of those needs. Without everyone constantly being reminded of "How are you gonna pay for that?!"

I don't want to put money first. I want to put desire, ambition, talent and passion first (and second and third, etc.). I want my girls to do the same. Yes, we all need to be self-sufficient, but how quickly? My goodness! What's the rush? For any of us?
Let us relax. Let us love with abandon. Let us paint and scream and sing and build homes. Let us just live.

Mother of the Bride

While my head is trying to focus on the fundraiser (which should be a blast- when it's over!), I am distracted by my daughter's engagement. People have asked me if she's going to be a Bridezilla, and I just smile. She has her father and me to thank for her anger and impatient disposition. But I know she wants to keep this simple and affordable. And she's relieved to finally be engaged- not that there was a question of "if"; just "when."

So, after it was officially announced on her fiance's Facebook page, and people started weighing in, I put the information on mine as well  (several days after the proposal). Oops. MOB mistake number one. I hope that's the last one, but 15 months is a long time to go without making a mistake. We'll see what happens.

Meanwhile, we're preparing for the fundraiser, and prom, and an engagement party, and a graduation party- and my baby's graduating.... all in the next four weeks. Is that enough time to process all of this? Did they do this on purpose so I don't have time to stop and think about these transitions? The oldest engaged? The youngest leaving the nest? No more PTA meetings? Bake sales? Concerts? Permission slips? Even though the house isn't empty, two of my children will be so far away. Hard to believe. Just yesterday (literally, yesterday) Christine and Grace were hitting each other in church. For years I have been rolling my eyes with embarrassment, and now... I can't imagine not having them sitting there, next to me, driving me crazy. Thank goodness for chatting, and texting and Skype- Emily can still give Rosie a hard time- all the way across the country. And they'll all be home for Grace's graduation. But that's it. It's really happening. That transition where families are only together once or maybe twice a year. That is so strange to me. For twenty five years we have all been together, all the time. Should I have done a better job at alienating them so this would be easier? Ah well. They're independent AND they like being around us. Who could ask for more?

MOB Promise #1: I will not post the details of the wedding on Facebook without permission.
Promise #2: I will offer advice when asked; I will make faces when I am not.
Promise #3: I can't guarantee I will always agree with you, but I will offer you a margarita to change your mind.
Promise #4: I will not be part of the stress of this event. (see margarita above)
Promise #5: I will make more promises as they become necessary.