While my head is trying to focus on the fundraiser (which should be a blast- when it's over!), I am distracted by my daughter's engagement. People have asked me if she's going to be a Bridezilla, and I just smile. She has her father and me to thank for her anger and impatient disposition. But I know she wants to keep this simple and affordable. And she's relieved to finally be engaged- not that there was a question of "if"; just "when."
So, after it was officially announced on her fiance's Facebook page, and people started weighing in, I put the information on mine as well (several days after the proposal). Oops. MOB mistake number one. I hope that's the last one, but 15 months is a long time to go without making a mistake. We'll see what happens.
Meanwhile, we're preparing for the fundraiser, and prom, and an engagement party, and a graduation party- and my baby's graduating.... all in the next four weeks. Is that enough time to process all of this? Did they do this on purpose so I don't have time to stop and think about these transitions? The oldest engaged? The youngest leaving the nest? No more PTA meetings? Bake sales? Concerts? Permission slips? Even though the house isn't empty, two of my children will be so far away. Hard to believe. Just yesterday (literally, yesterday) Christine and Grace were hitting each other in church. For years I have been rolling my eyes with embarrassment, and now... I can't imagine not having them sitting there, next to me, driving me crazy. Thank goodness for chatting, and texting and Skype- Emily can still give Rosie a hard time- all the way across the country. And they'll all be home for Grace's graduation. But that's it. It's really happening. That transition where families are only together once or maybe twice a year. That is so strange to me. For twenty five years we have all been together, all the time. Should I have done a better job at alienating them so this would be easier? Ah well. They're independent AND they like being around us. Who could ask for more?
MOB Promise #1: I will not post the details of the wedding on Facebook without permission.
Promise #2: I will offer advice when asked; I will make faces when I am not.
Promise #3: I can't guarantee I will always agree with you, but I will offer you a margarita to change your mind.
Promise #4: I will not be part of the stress of this event. (see margarita above)
Promise #5: I will make more promises as they become necessary.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
too much and not much
Moments: Trip through Tennessee, Illinois, Indiana and Ohio. Saw Uncle Jim, Aunt Jan, Nora, Jessie, Pedro, Alex and Leo; then Grandpa Wilson, Aunt Peg and Uncle John, Laithan (I never spell it right), and Joann; Brother Tom and Tish and Lilly and Sam; and then Grace's second mom Mary, Doug, Ian, The Abaffy's, and a bunch of people we used to know.
Preparing for DCAD & the Renaissance. Some days you want to walk out. Other days you're making wacky trophies or voodoo dolls in the gallery. Not enough time to get everything done, but tis the season of the hamster wheel.
Two weeks where the yard was perfect- the dogwood and red bud trees were in bloom, renegade tulips appeared, creeping phlox I had planted a few years ago, irises that were never transplanted from a pot, but bloom anyway. Then heat and rain and heat and rain- enough to make the shrubs go nuts and the weeds on the patio explode. Argh. But we have a plan of attack for the yard. The fountain is in, and MJ cleaned the little pond. There is already a lily getting ready to bloom- with no effort from us. Kind of like the kids.
Trying to not start thinking about Grace moving away, Emily being gone and Christine's big day (though it's very hard not to look at dresses).
Still reading Ellen Langer's books about mindfulness. This one is about being an artist and how ANYBODY CAN BE AN ARTIST!! How I hate the rules surrounding art. And I doubted myself when someone asked how my piece would be considered art. I said that it wasn't. I said that it wasn't!!!! But it was. I knew I wanted to create something fun and romantic. I gathered my favorite things- paint, gel medium, shells, glitter, stencils. I started with a color reminiscent of a beautiful platter MJ bought me- it was made with crushed mother-of-pearl, so it sparkled. A lovely shade of green- a little yellow, but not much. I covered the canvas with the green paint, then morphed into aqua, and finally into a deep teal at the bottom of the canvas. I painted and swirled and pushed the paint. I used a beautiful Moroccan-esque lacy stencil at the top -in gray. I put a few touches of German-glass glitter and jewels in specific spots on the gray. I added an argyle stencil on an angle towards the bottom. It reminded me of schools of fishes. I covered the bottom with shells, and stars and glitter, but very tiny ones, and incorporated a bit of handmade Japanese lace paper into the corner. It definitely mimicked a net. I went back and added Botticelli's Venus rising from the water. Very subtle, but as a Virgo, I tend to love Venus images. I felt her freedom, just as I had with the Renaissance theme this year- not being held back, and allowed to create my vision of an event. I finished with three small canvases that had a beautiful Dylan Thomas quote about loving like the depths of the sea. I attached them to the large canvas. So my whimsical, decorative canvas actually did have meaning and depth. It brought me joy while I was creating it. That is art. It is art. And it's my art.
Preparing for DCAD & the Renaissance. Some days you want to walk out. Other days you're making wacky trophies or voodoo dolls in the gallery. Not enough time to get everything done, but tis the season of the hamster wheel.
Two weeks where the yard was perfect- the dogwood and red bud trees were in bloom, renegade tulips appeared, creeping phlox I had planted a few years ago, irises that were never transplanted from a pot, but bloom anyway. Then heat and rain and heat and rain- enough to make the shrubs go nuts and the weeds on the patio explode. Argh. But we have a plan of attack for the yard. The fountain is in, and MJ cleaned the little pond. There is already a lily getting ready to bloom- with no effort from us. Kind of like the kids.
Trying to not start thinking about Grace moving away, Emily being gone and Christine's big day (though it's very hard not to look at dresses).
Still reading Ellen Langer's books about mindfulness. This one is about being an artist and how ANYBODY CAN BE AN ARTIST!! How I hate the rules surrounding art. And I doubted myself when someone asked how my piece would be considered art. I said that it wasn't. I said that it wasn't!!!! But it was. I knew I wanted to create something fun and romantic. I gathered my favorite things- paint, gel medium, shells, glitter, stencils. I started with a color reminiscent of a beautiful platter MJ bought me- it was made with crushed mother-of-pearl, so it sparkled. A lovely shade of green- a little yellow, but not much. I covered the canvas with the green paint, then morphed into aqua, and finally into a deep teal at the bottom of the canvas. I painted and swirled and pushed the paint. I used a beautiful Moroccan-esque lacy stencil at the top -in gray. I put a few touches of German-glass glitter and jewels in specific spots on the gray. I added an argyle stencil on an angle towards the bottom. It reminded me of schools of fishes. I covered the bottom with shells, and stars and glitter, but very tiny ones, and incorporated a bit of handmade Japanese lace paper into the corner. It definitely mimicked a net. I went back and added Botticelli's Venus rising from the water. Very subtle, but as a Virgo, I tend to love Venus images. I felt her freedom, just as I had with the Renaissance theme this year- not being held back, and allowed to create my vision of an event. I finished with three small canvases that had a beautiful Dylan Thomas quote about loving like the depths of the sea. I attached them to the large canvas. So my whimsical, decorative canvas actually did have meaning and depth. It brought me joy while I was creating it. That is art. It is art. And it's my art.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Day One- first half
Easter morning, Matthew woke up an hour earlier than he intended. His digital alarm clock was purchased before Congress changed the dates for changing the clocks. So, instead of getting up at 4 a.m., he had gotten up at 3. Mass was at 6, and we were leaving at 5:30; in the grand scheme of things- whatever.
Mass in the darkness of St. Anthony in the Hills was interesting. Years ago, we tromped through the hills of Southern Ohio on someone’s property who had the most Christmas lights in Ohio. Carrying baby Grace, we all stopped to look at each Christmas scene and admired the plastic baby Jesus. But then the scenes turned into the life of Christ, ending with a very bloody Jesus on the Christ. Just in case we had forgotten the “reason for the season.” Merry Christmas, girls. Try to erase that from our little heads.
The outdoor amphitheatre was huge and we all sat on promotional seat cushions so we wouldn’t be in direct contact with the cold cement. A blow up Jesus with a tiny head was laid out, before burial in the tomb. From that point on, it was actually nice. The Scripture was read by a narrator and the characters waved their arms to indicate that Jesus was over there, but not over there. The gospel was the same Scripture and the homily was given by a very senior priest with a thick accent. He retold the Scripture. But he did say that this was the single most important event in human history. Whether you believe or not, it would very difficult to argue with that statement.
We headed home for breakfast. Eggs benedict, 4- cup salad (I didn’t have marshmallows), polish sausage, etc. We had a chocolate cake with Vienna torte frosting for Rosie’s birthday, and we gave her a mandolin for her present. Clean up, final packing. We were on the road.
Mass in the darkness of St. Anthony in the Hills was interesting. Years ago, we tromped through the hills of Southern Ohio on someone’s property who had the most Christmas lights in Ohio. Carrying baby Grace, we all stopped to look at each Christmas scene and admired the plastic baby Jesus. But then the scenes turned into the life of Christ, ending with a very bloody Jesus on the Christ. Just in case we had forgotten the “reason for the season.” Merry Christmas, girls. Try to erase that from our little heads.
The outdoor amphitheatre was huge and we all sat on promotional seat cushions so we wouldn’t be in direct contact with the cold cement. A blow up Jesus with a tiny head was laid out, before burial in the tomb. From that point on, it was actually nice. The Scripture was read by a narrator and the characters waved their arms to indicate that Jesus was over there, but not over there. The gospel was the same Scripture and the homily was given by a very senior priest with a thick accent. He retold the Scripture. But he did say that this was the single most important event in human history. Whether you believe or not, it would very difficult to argue with that statement.
We headed home for breakfast. Eggs benedict, 4- cup salad (I didn’t have marshmallows), polish sausage, etc. We had a chocolate cake with Vienna torte frosting for Rosie’s birthday, and we gave her a mandolin for her present. Clean up, final packing. We were on the road.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Sybil? Sybil?
I was reading a series of books by Ellen Langer, an Ivy League psychologist who runs experiments on people about perceptions and writes books about "being mindful." She started painting and found much joy in just creating. No training. No MFA. Just pure enjoyment. But when she painted the same item more than once, it lost its charm. Its spontaneity. Before she was aware of the feeling of putting the brush to canvas. It explains why I like to do things once. After that, the fun is gone. There is no more discovery. Doing multiples for craft shows was a chore- not a joy. I had cleaned out my studio a few weeks ago, and started buying more books (it is truly an addiction) and found one about crowns. I made ONE several years ago, but the paper and glitter and ephemera in the book made me want to get up and make something.
So I did it. I painted a canvas and added glitter, shells, more glitter and (ready?) more glitter. So much fun. Two days of painting and gluing and glitter. SO fun! No expectations. No guilt. And a bit of "in your face" to those who "define" art. And frames.
And as frustrated as I am with work, little victories help. Checks that come in; a pledge over the phone; a cookie bake-off; an egg drop. Michael Kaiser (?) from the Kennedy Center said that to keep staffs happy you have to give them reasons to stay. I'm not sure if anyone in leadership is going to make this happen, but I know my co-workers/conspirators can keep us moving forward. Most people don't leave right before a big project- they are invested in it and want to see it through. Well, in nonprofits, there are always projects to see through. A lot of projects. And a lot of guilt. I'll push through as Christine and Roberta recommend, and dream on my own time.
We are preparing for Easter and for our trip. First, Rosie is heading to the store for the fourth time. We're going to sunrise mass and then coming back here for Easter/birthday breakfast. I must say, I spend more time preparing for colored eggs and breakfast than I did on Lent itself. We're making her birthday cake in the shape of a lamb, but with the vienna torte frosting. I think I'll hot cross buns too. Never seem to get them done for Good Friday, but maybe Holy Saturday?
Matthew, Grace and I will leave around noon for Tennessee- Nashville, Murfreesboro and McMinnville. Grace had convinced herself and us that this is where she needs to go to school. So far away. But I think for her this is a good thing. A big university, close to the music industry; the "real" college experience. Of course, I'm panicking because of the alcohol and rape cases on campuses today. Did you know that if you say "I'm sorry. I'm an alcoholic and I need help," that the school will feel sorry for the rapist and not kick him out? How is it that if you're drunk and set a lab on fire, or rob somebody, you can't say "I have a drinking problem," and get away with it? But you can kill a young women's spirit/soul/being and all is forgiven? Coed dorms. Alcohol. Drugs. One in eight girls are abused on campuses. So scary. And she will be so far away.
Focus. So Monday, we get a tour of the school. Monday night, we get to see Uncle Jim and Aunt Jan and their home. He said the dogwoods are blooming. Tuesday is Nashville. Wednesday we'll go see my Grandpa in southern Illinois. He said Poplar runs north and south and Main Street runs east and west, and he's on South Land Street. Haven't seen him since Tom's wedding. Wednesday night, we head to Tom and Tish's new house in northwest Indiana, where I grew up. Friday we visit Grace's second mom, Mary, in Chillicothe, Ohio. We lived there for almost 11 years before coming to Delaware. When I landed my first "real" job (it was politics, so Matthew never considered politics "real" jobs:), Mary took care of Grace. Mary and Doug were wonderful friends, and I can't wait to see them!
Now I must shower, bake and pack. The sun is shining, so I have some energy. The homes around us have beautiful flowering trees. The forsythia is in bloom, as are the daffodils. I think we picked a good week to travel.
And as frustrated as I am with work, little victories help. Checks that come in; a pledge over the phone; a cookie bake-off; an egg drop. Michael Kaiser (?) from the Kennedy Center said that to keep staffs happy you have to give them reasons to stay. I'm not sure if anyone in leadership is going to make this happen, but I know my co-workers/conspirators can keep us moving forward. Most people don't leave right before a big project- they are invested in it and want to see it through. Well, in nonprofits, there are always projects to see through. A lot of projects. And a lot of guilt. I'll push through as Christine and Roberta recommend, and dream on my own time.
We are preparing for Easter and for our trip. First, Rosie is heading to the store for the fourth time. We're going to sunrise mass and then coming back here for Easter/birthday breakfast. I must say, I spend more time preparing for colored eggs and breakfast than I did on Lent itself. We're making her birthday cake in the shape of a lamb, but with the vienna torte frosting. I think I'll hot cross buns too. Never seem to get them done for Good Friday, but maybe Holy Saturday?
Matthew, Grace and I will leave around noon for Tennessee- Nashville, Murfreesboro and McMinnville. Grace had convinced herself and us that this is where she needs to go to school. So far away. But I think for her this is a good thing. A big university, close to the music industry; the "real" college experience. Of course, I'm panicking because of the alcohol and rape cases on campuses today. Did you know that if you say "I'm sorry. I'm an alcoholic and I need help," that the school will feel sorry for the rapist and not kick him out? How is it that if you're drunk and set a lab on fire, or rob somebody, you can't say "I have a drinking problem," and get away with it? But you can kill a young women's spirit/soul/being and all is forgiven? Coed dorms. Alcohol. Drugs. One in eight girls are abused on campuses. So scary. And she will be so far away.
Focus. So Monday, we get a tour of the school. Monday night, we get to see Uncle Jim and Aunt Jan and their home. He said the dogwoods are blooming. Tuesday is Nashville. Wednesday we'll go see my Grandpa in southern Illinois. He said Poplar runs north and south and Main Street runs east and west, and he's on South Land Street. Haven't seen him since Tom's wedding. Wednesday night, we head to Tom and Tish's new house in northwest Indiana, where I grew up. Friday we visit Grace's second mom, Mary, in Chillicothe, Ohio. We lived there for almost 11 years before coming to Delaware. When I landed my first "real" job (it was politics, so Matthew never considered politics "real" jobs:), Mary took care of Grace. Mary and Doug were wonderful friends, and I can't wait to see them!
Now I must shower, bake and pack. The sun is shining, so I have some energy. The homes around us have beautiful flowering trees. The forsythia is in bloom, as are the daffodils. I think we picked a good week to travel.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Self-loathing
Not really. But I have to get real. The honeymoon's over. The day-to-day is soooo mundane. I need to fall in love again----with my job. Development directors have an average shelf life of 17 months. That's two full fundraising galas, two grant writing cycles, and the reality of boards and nonprofit life. God help us all. We want more than to survive. We want to thrive. But when you bring in new ideas, nurture them, defend them, recycle them, sell them and measure them, you start to get very tired. Burned out. How many of us have stood in heels and plastically smiled while the chair thanks us for doing OUR JOB, and only a few hours later, kick off the heels and drag garbage cans and tables in our skirts. I'm exhausted. Nervous about this year's goals. Nervous that my office may soon have padded walls. Nervous that there may be no growth or advancement opportunities. Nervous that people will find out that I'm not brilliant. Or perfect. Or sane. Or in love. I need to push through. I've bailed and seen many people bail when this feeling comes over us- like boredom or denial or frustration. We shut down and look for the next good thing; the next fix; the next idea rush; the next person who massages our bruised and ignored egos. But this time, I'm going to stick it out. I'm going to figure out how those other people manage to stay with an organization for years. How they stay committed, focused, engaged, and able to continue to inspire others. Once I solve the mystery of the creative Sybil syndrome, I'll report back. There just might be a cure.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Oooh! Spring?
Wow. 2010 just won't slow down. The last few days have been Springtime gorgeous! It makes me so happy. Today? Not so much. A rainy nor'easter. Who knew?
I did walk in the Master's ceremony on Jan. 31 and skipped the undergrad. I got to carry my own sign (Management with honors). Mom and dad and Matthew got to go, and the girls tried to watch on the computer. Apparently it cut out when I got on stage. My sister and her husband came in from Connecticut and my in-laws came from Long Island. It was a very nice day.
The next weekend was supposed to be the Family/Alumni Weekend and DCAD, but we got hit with a good ol' fashioned Noreaster. Delaware gets some snow in the winter, but we were hit with back-to-back storms. Matthew was out shoveling at 2 in the morning. He got quite a work out. The weekend of Grace's musical (Footloose) we were hit again. Lots of days off for everyone.
The big weekend was postponed until March 5-7. We had over 225 people attend the Student Exhibition closing, and 279 people broke the Guinness World's Record for most people painting simultaneously. It was amazing! All those people of all ages painting intensely for three minutes. Dad was there keeping the stopwatch with Matthew, while Mom tried to rescue all the poor paintbrushes crammed into the cups of water while unknowingly chastising my boss (she knew she was chastising, she didn't know he was the president) about the brushes. Board members showed up with their friends and families. I haven't had a chance to write thank you notes yet because...
I came into work on Monday with my desk overflowing. Time to get the Sponsor and Patron packages out for the fundraiser. Tuesday was my co-worker's shower and I made two yule logs and place three little gumpaste bluebirds on one of the cakes. So cute. Wednesday, pull down the artwork in the gallery so we can photograph it, ask students if we can sell it, and then create the artwork catalog. Today I'm supposed to submit my 2010-11 budget for discussion. Rosie's musical Urinetown is this weekend. Both families are coming in. I need to get to the grocery store (Barbecued Shrimp and Corn Cakes, salad and Tropical Cake with Coconut Cream Cheese Frosting). I need to get to work and put my scribblings in to the computer. I need to get my entry done for the Graceful Envelope Contest.
Matthew's on a wacky shift schedule for his school, and weekends we have the families here. Our 25th Anniversary is next week, and we're putting off any special trip for now. The girls are having birthdays, so we're just about to hit 22, 23, 24 and 17. Everyone's lives are so busy. I get to see my friends/co-workers/co-conspirators every day, but my other friends are an occasional comment on Facebook. I need to change that. I need to make 2010 count for something. I need 201 to SLOW DOWN.
I did walk in the Master's ceremony on Jan. 31 and skipped the undergrad. I got to carry my own sign (Management with honors). Mom and dad and Matthew got to go, and the girls tried to watch on the computer. Apparently it cut out when I got on stage. My sister and her husband came in from Connecticut and my in-laws came from Long Island. It was a very nice day.
The next weekend was supposed to be the Family/Alumni Weekend and DCAD, but we got hit with a good ol' fashioned Noreaster. Delaware gets some snow in the winter, but we were hit with back-to-back storms. Matthew was out shoveling at 2 in the morning. He got quite a work out. The weekend of Grace's musical (Footloose) we were hit again. Lots of days off for everyone.
The big weekend was postponed until March 5-7. We had over 225 people attend the Student Exhibition closing, and 279 people broke the Guinness World's Record for most people painting simultaneously. It was amazing! All those people of all ages painting intensely for three minutes. Dad was there keeping the stopwatch with Matthew, while Mom tried to rescue all the poor paintbrushes crammed into the cups of water while unknowingly chastising my boss (she knew she was chastising, she didn't know he was the president) about the brushes. Board members showed up with their friends and families. I haven't had a chance to write thank you notes yet because...
I came into work on Monday with my desk overflowing. Time to get the Sponsor and Patron packages out for the fundraiser. Tuesday was my co-worker's shower and I made two yule logs and place three little gumpaste bluebirds on one of the cakes. So cute. Wednesday, pull down the artwork in the gallery so we can photograph it, ask students if we can sell it, and then create the artwork catalog. Today I'm supposed to submit my 2010-11 budget for discussion. Rosie's musical Urinetown is this weekend. Both families are coming in. I need to get to the grocery store (Barbecued Shrimp and Corn Cakes, salad and Tropical Cake with Coconut Cream Cheese Frosting). I need to get to work and put my scribblings in to the computer. I need to get my entry done for the Graceful Envelope Contest.
Matthew's on a wacky shift schedule for his school, and weekends we have the families here. Our 25th Anniversary is next week, and we're putting off any special trip for now. The girls are having birthdays, so we're just about to hit 22, 23, 24 and 17. Everyone's lives are so busy. I get to see my friends/co-workers/co-conspirators every day, but my other friends are an occasional comment on Facebook. I need to change that. I need to make 2010 count for something. I need 201 to SLOW DOWN.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Killing time
I'm obsessed with checking my transcript on Wilmington University's website. My Master's has not been conferred due to a substitution that was made for a required class. The substitution was authorized by the head of the department (and my thesis mentor) because the required class was not in the catalog at the time I was registering. But he has not told the auditor yet. Argh.
If I don't get to walk in Sunday's grad ceremony, I have to leave the family and friend luncheon to go walk in the Bachelor's. Or maybe turn it into a bruncheon instead. I really don't want this to happen, BUT I have a co-worker who hated that I was in school, left early for school and enjoyed school. She said she was sick of hearing me talk about it. This will allow me to talk about it for another 5 months- until I can walk in the May ceremony. How delicious.
5 minutes have passed. I have to check again.
If I don't get to walk in Sunday's grad ceremony, I have to leave the family and friend luncheon to go walk in the Bachelor's. Or maybe turn it into a bruncheon instead. I really don't want this to happen, BUT I have a co-worker who hated that I was in school, left early for school and enjoyed school. She said she was sick of hearing me talk about it. This will allow me to talk about it for another 5 months- until I can walk in the May ceremony. How delicious.
5 minutes have passed. I have to check again.
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