Self-loathing

Not really. But I have to get real. The honeymoon's over. The day-to-day is soooo mundane. I need to fall in love again----with my job. Development directors have an average shelf life of 17 months. That's two full fundraising galas, two grant writing cycles, and the reality of boards and nonprofit life. God help us all. We want more than to survive. We want to thrive. But when you bring in new ideas, nurture them, defend them, recycle them, sell them and measure them, you start to get very tired. Burned out. How many of us have stood in heels and plastically smiled while the chair thanks us for doing OUR JOB, and only a few hours later, kick off the heels and drag garbage cans and tables in our skirts. I'm exhausted. Nervous about this year's goals. Nervous that my office may soon have padded walls. Nervous that there may be no growth or advancement opportunities. Nervous that people will find out that I'm not brilliant. Or perfect. Or sane. Or in love. I need to push through. I've bailed and seen many people bail when this feeling comes over us- like boredom or denial or frustration. We shut down and look for the next good thing; the next fix; the next idea rush; the next person who massages our bruised and ignored egos. But this time, I'm going to stick it out. I'm going to figure out how those other people manage to stay with an organization for years. How they stay committed, focused, engaged, and able to continue to inspire others. Once I solve the mystery of the creative Sybil syndrome, I'll report back. There just might be a cure.

Oooh! Spring?

Wow. 2010 just won't slow down. The last few days have been Springtime gorgeous! It makes me so happy. Today? Not so much. A rainy nor'easter. Who knew?

I did walk in the Master's ceremony on Jan. 31 and skipped the undergrad. I got to carry my own sign (Management with honors). Mom and dad and Matthew got to go, and the girls tried to watch on the computer. Apparently it cut out when I got on stage. My sister and her husband came in from Connecticut and my in-laws came from Long Island.  It was a very nice day.

The next weekend was supposed to be the Family/Alumni Weekend and DCAD, but we got hit with a good ol' fashioned Noreaster. Delaware gets some snow in the winter, but we were hit with back-to-back storms. Matthew was out shoveling at 2 in the morning. He got quite a work out. The weekend of Grace's musical (Footloose) we were hit again. Lots of days off for everyone.

The big weekend was postponed until March 5-7. We had over 225 people attend the Student Exhibition closing, and 279 people broke the Guinness World's Record for most people painting simultaneously. It was amazing! All those people of all ages painting intensely for three minutes. Dad was there keeping the stopwatch with Matthew, while Mom tried to rescue all the poor paintbrushes crammed into the cups of water while unknowingly chastising my boss (she knew she was chastising, she didn't know he was the president) about the brushes. Board members showed up with their friends and families. I haven't had a chance to write thank you notes yet because...

I came into work on Monday with my desk overflowing. Time to get the Sponsor and Patron packages out for the fundraiser. Tuesday was my co-worker's shower and I made two yule logs and place three little gumpaste bluebirds on one of the cakes. So cute. Wednesday, pull down the artwork in the gallery so we can photograph it, ask students if we can sell it, and then create the artwork catalog. Today I'm supposed to submit my 2010-11 budget for discussion. Rosie's musical Urinetown is this weekend. Both families are coming in. I need to get to the grocery store (Barbecued Shrimp and Corn Cakes, salad and Tropical Cake with Coconut Cream Cheese Frosting). I need to get to work and put my scribblings in to the computer. I need to get my entry done for the Graceful Envelope Contest.

Matthew's on a wacky shift schedule for his school, and weekends we have the families here. Our 25th Anniversary is next week, and we're putting off any special trip for now. The girls are having birthdays, so we're just about to hit 22, 23, 24 and 17. Everyone's lives are so busy. I get to see my friends/co-workers/co-conspirators every day, but my other friends are an occasional comment on Facebook. I need to change that. I need to make 2010 count for something. I need 201 to SLOW DOWN.