Thursday, February 26, 2009

Change is coming....

I was looking forward to Lent. No really. It usually flies by and then Easter comes and I feel like I didn't do my part. So yesterday I really prayed- for my beautiful and feisty daughters, for my amazing husband. I made my promise not to eat out every day (save money and calories), to get up at 6 when Matthew leaves on a "regular" day, and to get to work early. I got up at 7:30, upset my stomach, and got to work at 9:30. But I made it to church, and that was a win.

This morning I got up at 6:30 and got to work by 9:00. OK. Better. I will improve.

Matthew gave up coffee. I told him that in the interest of public safety, a nuclear engineer should be FULLY AWAKE on the job! He disagreed while he nodded off after dinner. He'll do it. He's so much stronger and more disciplined than I am. Thank goodness.

I am trying to balance homework and preparing a room for my good friend who will be joining us soon. We've had a couple of people stay with us before- Grace's friends. The first one, the girls called the "Temp" as in "temporary brother. Then we had Gabi, and the girls called her the "Perm." But she wasn't. When I told Christine that Roberta was coming to live with us, and it would be nice not to have someone sneaking out in the middle of the night or drinking all our alcohol, she said, "You don't know that for sure." hahaha. You hear that, Roberta? I have been forewarned. But at least when you come sneaking in through the patio doors, I won't be standing there with the evil eye; I will be there to give you a great big hug!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Uh oh.

It's happening. My husband asks me what something says. Neither of us needs glasses, but we have to adjust to very small type. He was fixing a door in the kitchen, and needed the tape measure. I was making a very late breakfast (spicy pear muffins, scrambled eggs with ham and cream cheese, French press coffee. Mmmmm.)Heading to the fridge, Matthew asks me what is says on the side of the tape measure (3 1/2"). I thought to myself, "wow. He's squinting, poor thing. Maybe he should get get glasses. We really are getting older." I turned back to the fridge....and stared. For a long time.

So we are both getting older. We go to bed early so we can make it through the day. But truly, we are blessed. My favorite spot in the whole world is about 8:00 in the morning, Saturday, when the sun is streaming into my bedroom. Matthew is making me coffee before his morning phone call to work, I can hear the dogs tumbling down the stairs and the girls fighting over....anything. I can grab a book and read until my husband finds me again (the phone call has turned into internet boat shopping).

This is my moment of bliss. Before the guilt starts- messy house, have to do homework, yes, sweetheart, I know you're hungry. I read about creative women who jumped, fearlessly, into living creative lives. I drift, thinking about projects I'd like to do. But I know I like my steady paycheck. I liked being an artist, but I never felt legitimate. And, as much as I like being by myself, I like being around other people. I like being creative around others, but, truth be told, I find we brainstorm more than anything else. More dreaming, less action. I feel guilty about creating before finishing my work (no dessert before you finish your vegetables!).

So, I have been making deals with myself. I will study. I will do some laundry. I will work on my paper, and then I will allow myself something fun to read. I am more calm. I have something to look forward to. And I still don't need glasses.