Sunday, February 1, 2009

Uh oh.

It's happening. My husband asks me what something says. Neither of us needs glasses, but we have to adjust to very small type. He was fixing a door in the kitchen, and needed the tape measure. I was making a very late breakfast (spicy pear muffins, scrambled eggs with ham and cream cheese, French press coffee. Mmmmm.)Heading to the fridge, Matthew asks me what is says on the side of the tape measure (3 1/2"). I thought to myself, "wow. He's squinting, poor thing. Maybe he should get get glasses. We really are getting older." I turned back to the fridge....and stared. For a long time.

So we are both getting older. We go to bed early so we can make it through the day. But truly, we are blessed. My favorite spot in the whole world is about 8:00 in the morning, Saturday, when the sun is streaming into my bedroom. Matthew is making me coffee before his morning phone call to work, I can hear the dogs tumbling down the stairs and the girls fighting over....anything. I can grab a book and read until my husband finds me again (the phone call has turned into internet boat shopping).

This is my moment of bliss. Before the guilt starts- messy house, have to do homework, yes, sweetheart, I know you're hungry. I read about creative women who jumped, fearlessly, into living creative lives. I drift, thinking about projects I'd like to do. But I know I like my steady paycheck. I liked being an artist, but I never felt legitimate. And, as much as I like being by myself, I like being around other people. I like being creative around others, but, truth be told, I find we brainstorm more than anything else. More dreaming, less action. I feel guilty about creating before finishing my work (no dessert before you finish your vegetables!).

So, I have been making deals with myself. I will study. I will do some laundry. I will work on my paper, and then I will allow myself something fun to read. I am more calm. I have something to look forward to. And I still don't need glasses.


Sassy Sissy said...

Glasses are now a fashion statement, just look at Sara Palin. Okay, bad example. I know your hubbie's pain, just had to upgrade to the 'ole bifocals. Being able to see clearly is one of the cherishable things in life! Embrace the glasses!

Roberta Adams said...

I agree with Sassy Sissy - embrace the change - get the glasses if you need them. You'd look fabulous in them by the way. They make a statement, especially in meetings.
Forget about the housework. Breathe. Lounge. Drink Coffee. Then get up and go. No more guilt for you!!!