Fog

My brain is in a total fog, and this is not a good time to not be clear-headed. Jeesh. OK. Easter this weekend- three days of cooking and feeling guilty for not fulfilling Lenten promises- again. Eating good food and hating the scale- again.
Next- the fundraiser. Varying levels of control and input from faculty, staff, students, volunteers and board members. 150 items to monitor, pressure to make money, pressure to make things run smoooooothly, pressure to be perfect. Two weeks from today. OMG.
Theeen, while recovering from the fundraiser, Grace, Caprice and Emily come home. Grace and Caprice- for the summer. Emily- for just a few days. Matthew and I both have to work, so that's disappointing, but we'll make the most of our evenings.
Followed by- Christine's shower weekend. Relatives descend to prepare, drink and shower her with gifts. My sister is handling the invitations, RSVPs and catering, but I have a lot to do yet. Including....
cleaning for all of these events. We started to purge, but got as far as leaving the bags by the front door. I step over them every morning and every evening, and they miraculously stay right there.
But with all of this activity, I cannot seem to sit at my desk and just concentrate on work. And when I'm home, I cannot just concentrate on cleaning, or calligraphy or whatever. See? I cannot even finish that thought!
Tomorrow is Good Friday- and we'll all be home for the day. Three days to think about what is truly important. What is truly necessary. What is truly the one thing that deserves my attention. As superficial as my "problems" are compared to others, they still create this fog in my brain. And I as I write this, I suddenly feel calm. I look at the rosary hanging on my computer and remember that there is someone who will share my burden. He may not clean my house, or be able to help me make a lot of money for my school (or myself), but He will always calm me down. And I reeeally need that right now.

Building a home

Outside our bathroom window upstairs is a happy spot. The kitchen and family room roof lines form an L which is perfect for the annual starling nest. In the morning, the birds gather the necessary building materials, taking turns adding pieces, removing pieces. I can hear a little bit of squawking, and I wonder if they argue the way we do. Adding on or building a house can be sooo stressful. Imagine doing it every year. Building a home is even more stressful.

The home, the nest, the coccoon. That place you should feel safe and help each other to grow. As much as I adore my husband, we look at building and maintaining a home quite differently. While he is truly the protector, more spiritual or faith-filled than I am, I still feel like the protector of the children's creative souls. I want them to explore their talents, be overwhelmed by the possibilities, fail, fall in and out of love, learn, and not be so eager to grow up. I mean, what adult wouldn't want to go back to the days of learning, playing, partying, exploring, with few responsibilities?

I consider myself a communist mama- From each according to her abilities; To each according to her needs (we are female-centric at our house; or at least, I am). The girls are so similar, but they are very different. Recognizing that some take longer to leave the nest, some need more building materials, some just needed a quick shove, and some just need to sing and sing- I want the freedom to be able to honor all of those needs. Without everyone constantly being reminded of "How are you gonna pay for that?!"

I don't want to put money first. I want to put desire, ambition, talent and passion first (and second and third, etc.). I want my girls to do the same. Yes, we all need to be self-sufficient, but how quickly? My goodness! What's the rush? For any of us?
Let us relax. Let us love with abandon. Let us paint and scream and sing and build homes. Let us just live.

Back to basics

The wedding has given me an opportunity/excuse to play in the studio again. And I know that I want to do that more. So I'm working on an Etsy page where I can offer my calligraphic services, handmade items (like the lantern), and other fun things. My friend suggested I write an entertaining kind of book, but that's down the road. There are SO many out there right now. It would have to be amazingly different and inspiring. Thanks goodness DIY books don't translate to Kindle. Not yet. Project books are still the kind you want to look at again and again, and you don't mind getting a little glue on them.

To be continued...

So far, so good

Being in the "background" for wedding planning seems to be going OK. I don't think I've upset anyone so far, but there's plenty of time left. We have the invitation prototype which is awesome! Can't post until after they've been mailed. Food has been worked out. Rehearsal dinner restaurant- check. Thinking of other fun things to make- using found objects.
Fab distraction from upcoming fundraiser (http://tinyurl.com/dcadfundraiser). Can't wait for that to be over. Looking forward to having the girls home for a few days. Want more sunshine.

playing with fire

I had fun making a Bali Lantern inspired by Lisa Englebrecht's video. I transferred Christine and Leaf's amazing engagement photos by Kelly Prizell to canvas using gel medium and acetone from inkjet copies. I embellished with Jacuard acrylics, glitter (naturally), stencils, and pigma pens. I'll make smaller ones in the future and make wider borders for better stability. It will be hanging in the Toni and Stuart B. Young Gallery this month. After that- maybe it will make an appearance at the wedding.

It's been a while, I know.

The inner struggle continues. And yet, the struggle has its own struggle. It is saying "Shut the F up and get movin. Stop whinin. Do something. Finish something. Quit whining about your daily tasks. Quit whining about ANYTHING!" Sheesh. Lots of yelling in my head. "So you aren't God's gift to the fundraising world. So what?"

My goal is to make an envelope for the Graceful Envelope contest, make a piece for the CE show, and relax. Not the paralyzing kind of relaxing because you're overwhelmed; but the "I am only human" kind. I have the other things to do- cooking, laundry, cleaning, work stuff, like always. Can't get Christine's wedding out of my brain, because, not only is it coming very soon, but a great creative escape.

I'm going to go make poached eggs. I'm hungry. I'm lazy. And damn it- I kinda like me.

What a waste of a post. My apologies. But I did it.

A sweet distraction

As you may know, Christine is getting married and the preparations have begun. Location: check. Groom: check. Priest: check. Awkward discussions about whom should be invited: check. Budget: check-ish. Dress: CHECK.


We drove to Staten Island to the "Brides Against Breast Cancer" wedding dress sale. Couture and non, all for sale. Lovely volunteers with sad and triumphant stories to share. And all the proceeds go to breast cancer research.

I had taken the day off from work. The weather was perfect; slightly chilly, but the sun was shining. We followed the Google directions which led us through historic towns (who knew) and stereotypical neighborhoods. The Renaissance, where the sale was held, looked like something out of My Big Fat Greek wedding- pillars, back lit Greek busts, faded carpets, silk flowers, grand staircase.

She could take three dresses in to the very public dressing room, but after the first batch, we took in many more. So many pretty and atrocious dresses. Having gone shopping once before, I didn't have high hopes, but having many more options available gave me hope. There were some that were fabulous on her (let's face it, having an hour-glass figure makes shopping much easier). Some that were OK, some that had one flaw that kept it from being "the one." We've watched TLC and seen "Say Yes" but I didn't expect it to be like that- where there is that moment when you know she's found it and you know this is what she'll be wearing next year when she walks down the aisle. But she did find it. It fits perfectly. Wedding dress: check.


Now on to the invitations, the hotel accommodations, the rehearsal dinner, the after wedding party, etc. etc. etc. bring it on.